Last Blog

Why I am SOO happy this is my last blog:

1- I'm tired of writing them, quite frankly
2- Thinking of topics that no one will read into and think I'm talking about them (in a critical way) is tiresome
3- I'm so sick of analyzing (even though I haven't really analyzed forever)
4- It means it's the end of the year and summer is coming! Yeah baby!

Sleep

Why I love sleep:

1- I get rest, usually much needed rest
2- It relieves me of stress (calms me down)
3- I love my bed
4- It means I'm done with today's duties :D
5- It's lazy yet, at the same time, needful

Cell Phone

Okay, I just need a topic and my cell phone is all I can think of because it's right next to me. So here I go, why I love my cell phone. Well I don't "love" it, I just love having one. One thing is that it is always right there, so you can make a call any time you want and no one else can be on the line. With no one else on the line you can also have private conversations, without worrying that someone else is listening. You can have phone numbers right there. I cannont remember phone numbers and it would be a hassle to carry around an address book with me, since I would always forget it. Texting, you can tell your mom a message and not disturb her at work, you can ask someone the one question you need to answer to, and not hold a whole convo. It has an alarm clock on it, I need alarms in odd places, so that's been a nice plus. It has a calendar, a camera, internet, and so much more. I don't see what little device can get better than something that holds all that.

Why I am excited for the summer

Okay, it's pretty obvious why someone would be excited for summer break but that's all I can really think about right now, so here goes.
1- No more blogs
2- Girls camp
3- I get to see my sister (maybe Walter :s)
4- I get to see my brother and his wife
5- EFY
6- The Trek
7- sleeping in
8- Means i'm closer to my Senior year which is going to be GREAT :D
9- Hot summer days for swimming
10- Vacation

The Best Advice I've Been Given

"Don't sacrifice what you want most in life for what you want at the moment."
If anything has kept me motivated in life it’s that quote. It keeps my life’s goal on the surface of my mind constantly. Then, when a decision between something that sounds fun and exciting or what would benefit me most (and probably not be as much fun) I know what to choose. I know that choosing what would benefit me would be best because I have what I want most in life appear in my mind. I then can see the consequences of both my options and I choose what will ‘benefit me most’ not because it is “good” but because I’ll be happier in the long run.

J.j.

Out of all the people I’ve been privileged to meet and become acquainted with in life one person who has always been in my life stands out as my hero, Jessica Skabelund, my sister. For many, their hero seems to live the perfect life, accomplishing the perfect things, but my sister hasn’t become my hero for that reason. She’s my hero because of what she has done with what life has given her, particularly during high school. High school presented her with social, physical, and emotional problems that I can hardly comprehend. They were tough, and most would have crumpled under those circumstances, yet she did not. She stood tall and battled through those tough stages. She never gave up, and she tried her best through all of her trials, and came out standing tall.

Throughout high school I have tried to live my life in a way that when people look back at it they can say that I was someone who did my best, who worked at making it through every problem. Even though I will probably, and hopefully never, go through such trying times as my sister did, I want to come out strong and determined, like my hero, Jessica Skabelund.

Mommy

Why I love my mommy:
1) she laughs at my mistakes. In my life I have made millions of mistakes and she laughs. That, for me, is the best thing she could do. She knows that I know I made a mistake so all she needs to do is laugh because my mistakes are mostly obviously stupid.
2) She knows how to hug. If I am crying she gives the PERFECT hugs that make me feel everything is all right.
3) She sticks up for me, even when I am wrong. I know that I can become determined that my opinions are the correct ones and that no one else could possibly be right. Being this way I have gotten myself in a fair bit of trouble. But when I come home and talk to her she always sticks up for me, she makes me believe in my thoughts-- even if she doesn't think they are quite logical.
4) She believes in me. Even if I don't think I can carry on and finish the event of life that I am facing, she tells me I can, that she knows I can! If it wasn't for her, I don't think I would know where I could go in life.
5) She loves me.

Packing

Why packing is so hard:
1) You can't take multiple outfits-- for others that may be easy but sometime I am just in certain moods for different types of outfits and that doesn't work when you are living in a suitcase.
2) Your suitcase has to weigh less than 50 pounds. That is soOOOOO hard! I just weighed a suitcase for a trip I'm going on and it was 60 pounds (there goes some of the outfits!)
3) The "smallest" things weigh the most-- Shampoo, conditioner, lotion, hairspray, toothpaste, mouthwash, facewash, etc... all of those weigh about 2 pounds each, added up that is 14 pounds out of the 50 you get.
4) You are already somewhat stressed about the trip (how is everything going to work out?) and you have to add that stress with your suitcase, goodness!

You Just Need to Know

Life has its tremendous sorrows, and one of them is that this world does have sexual offenders. It's a sad truth but we all know it and that they are around us. The government has issued that a sexual offender must report where he is living at all times and that it must be posted for the public to view. So we have the sexual offender registery. Yet, I know of few who use it in all actuality, why don't they?

One reason, and I know this sounds cliche, is that many people think that living here in Utah, we just don't have many sexual offenders. I know, that's a stereotype of Utahns saying that we all think we are just so safe and that we really know what goes on in the world . . . then why don't more people check the list?

Another reason, could be because they don't know how. Mostly, it's just adults who check and a few of them actually tell their kids about which houses to avoid and who to avoid, yet the kids remain naive about how to get onto the website that has been made available.

There are also those who just don't want to know. They keep their lives sheltered by associating with those they know well and don't think that it can affect them if they only talk to those they know. But, what if someone moves into your area, and you trust them after time, yet they are on the list? What if someone you know gets on the list while you know them, yet they don't tell anyone they are on it- and you don't check?

Another reason those who don't want to know, or spread the word that someone is a sexual offender is because they don't want to "judge." Yes, the area I live in has its extreme religious dominance and we are taught not to judge unrightously. So where does one draw the line of checking the list, avoiding the person, and/or telling others? I think it goes to where you protect yourself. You should NOT have to put yourself in a situation that could harm you in any way. It should not be wrong to warn others, because what if they get hurt and you knew? It's not fair if you could have warned them, and they get hurt.

I know it is so hard to let others know that someone they trust is on the list, I am in that situation right now. But I think it should be done. If I was a parent, I would want to know, I would die to know just to keep my kids safe, and I know every parent I talk to feels the same way. So here's my plea, please keep yourself educated, for the simple reason that you and those around you can create a safer place to live.

If you want to get to the site google the Utah State Department of Corrections.

Important People

The last two weeks have opened my eyes wide, and in some ways I have liked not seeing what I now see, but there is at least one thing I am so happy that I recognize now: people who mean the world to me. There are very few people in this world I trust with all my heart, and all of them came into play these last two weeks. Why is it, though, that I trust these people so much?

1- They know ME. Many people know my name and face and my actions; but to my thoughts and opinions they are totally oblivious. And,for many they are fine with it. But these great people realize that I am not just this puppet playing a part, but that I have thoughts and feelings.
2- It doesn't just end with them knowing my thoughts and feelings but they care about them. They want to know why I am upset (if I am) or why I'm grouchy, or happy, or have any number of emotions. They don't want me to be bottling it all up inside and be by myself.
3- They make me laugh. That is one of the greatest things I value in life, laughter. I have never been happier than when I am laughing and these loving souls make me laugh.
4- They realize I am 17. One thing that has hurt me is that people want me to be their knowledge box, and yes, that is an honor for people to depend on me that way....but.... I don't know everything and sometimes I just want to be immature and have fun. I love to help, I honestly do, but when that is all I am doing, it gets too hard. The people I trust let me live like a 17-year-old at times, and I LOVE it!
5- I can talk to them. Oh, how amazing it is to be able to talk. I love it when someone will listen to me. I sounds so selfish, but it's true.
6- They trust me. The greatest way, I have realized, for me to trust someone is for them to trust me. And these great friends do just that, they trust me, and I trust them with all my heart.

Baby Steps

In the movie, What About Bob, the theory of taking "Baby Steps" is introduced. Baby steps is just taking life one goal at a time, basically. In order to make a huge leap or bound you take the small steps that get you there. One such example is that of becoming a doctor. You don't just, one day, study your mind out and work so hard to learn the information all at once, you have the level you need to go through. First, you finish your general education (HS), move on to college and receive a Bachelors Degree. Study for and take the MCAT, apply for Medical schools, get into med. school where a whole new area of baby steps can be taken. (By the way all of these "baby steps" have baby steps within them.)

But why? Why take these steps? Honestly, because they make life liveable. If all you could see was the end result you couldn't get it done, because you really wouldn't know how to get there, and you would take everything on at once. You are, also, able to see what you can do at the moment to accomplish what you need to do. You know that for the time being you have one goal to do and that is (we'll say hypothetically) make it through third term. Once you get there, you make a new goal and accomplish that, and before you know it--you have a what you initally wanted.

Many have said to me, though, 'What about the big picture? Don't people lose sight of the whole goal?' All I have to say is this, if someone wants it badly enough they will see the big picture and study it. They will see the tiny things that need to be accomplished in it. It's like a painting you can look at the whole thing and know what it's a painting of, but you will never know how it was created if you don't look at the details. If you can find individual paintstokes or other defining features you have nothing.

From what I have observed of life is that those who can recognize that the big picture isn't all that is there, they are the ones who reach this goal. They know what to do, and how to do it. One step at a time and you will get there.

Characters vs. Everyday People

Why I like to compare people I know with characters in books.

I recently realized, while talking to a friend, that I often compare the actions or even personality of those I know to those I read about in book. Why?

One such reason is that it helps me understand the book better. If I can see a person I interact with in everyday life acting in a particular manner and then read some of those traits in a book I feel like I know the character and can understand their actions better and more clearly. They are even more personable (the character) because I have related with those I know and feel like I can and do relate with the character.

Another reason is that it helps me understand those around me better too. By analyzing the characters in the books I can understand the personality of those I know without analyzing them, I honestly feel guilty when I analyze those I know, so this way I don't analyze the particular person.

Why I am Proud of my Friends

You know how parents often recollect how they are "so proud of their kids?" Well, I realized this week that, in the same sense of a parent, I am proud of my friends. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't look at them like they are my "kids" and think I know more than them, I'm just so proud of all they do.

One such reason is that they accomplish what they go after. When my friends seek something that will benefit others or themselves (and in that order) they accomplish the goal, they reach it. They don't quit half-way, saying that it is too challenging and that the end result really won't have that much of an effect. Even if their results don't turn out the way they expected, they are still happy that they went after it.

They love others. I have never heard of a group of teenagers like my friends, and one shining reason is that they love. They treat everyone like they are gold and are concerned about others, not because they want in on the gossip and to have the latest update on someone but because they care, they truly care--they want others to be happy.

They truly try. From what I have seen, one of the greatest things a person can do with their life is try, truly try. Even if they don't do the best, if they have put forth their best effort, they are amazing. And all of my friends do that. They give themselves to trying. Even if they are scared to death, they will try because they know they will grow stronger and happier if they try and give it their all.

There are millions of other reasons why my friends have made me proud, but one last one stands out as the greatest one I can ever see. They are religious. They have taken on the duty to be responsible for themselves. In the area I live in, so many kids go through the motions of religion not giving the effort to learn for themselves what they belive, but the friends I have been blessed with, have. They understand that if they want the happiness offered in life that they need to learn for themselves what they believe, and they have taken that challenge.

These souls I have been given in my life are amazing. They have given me so much and make me want to be better every day of my life. They give me the desire to grow and smile. I don't know where I would be without them. I couldn't be more proud of all they do.

Laugh hard

Think of someone that is close to you and imagine their true laugh, one they really mean. I hope that anyone reading this can hear the laugh or at the very least, know that they do laugh truly, and often. I can imagine many of my friends and family laughing this way, but one. This one friend feels that if they laugh (truly) or say anything that isn't profound, it is not worth saying at all. (anyone reading this don't worry, it's not you). I wish I could tell them why laughing and being spunky is okay, and that everyone should be that way (particularly while they are in High School- and still a kid). So here I go, this is why we should have fun:

1) You are happier-- compared to children, adults never laugh! When you look at a child and an adult, the child (for the most part) looks happier. And I personally know I'm always happier when I laugh and am spunky.

2) You are depressing to those around you when you aren't-- when someone is always being serious and never laughs they make me depressed and it is hard to be around them sometimes because I feel so heavy and weighed down with their outlook on life.

3) You see the good in things-- when you just take life as it comes but laugh along the way you will see the good because you know happiness is always a possibility. The trials will come but you'll be able to see the things you can do for the best and they will be so much more bearable.

4) Others want to be around you-- I know friends that laugh make me happy too, and I want to stay by them because it feels so great to be happy and loving.

5) It gives life a spice-- When you laugh you can often times become happier and you do things that are just funny.

6) It creates good memories-- when you are laughing and being silly (adding the spice) the things you do become funny and everytime you, as friends or whoever you were with, mention them, you all laugh and you become closer.

In short, life is so much more worth living and you see so much good. I do know, though, that some people really just don't like to be this way and if you are one of those, just dismiss all I said above. But I do know, also, some people, like my friend, don't understand the benefits and they would have so much more fun in life if they did.

My Nose

Why my nose bothers me at times

1- It gets caught on my clothing, like if I'm pulling a shirt over my head, and frankly it rather hurts when it gets pulled on.

2- It has an air bubble in it- at the tip of my nose I have an air bubble and it makes my nose a whole mm longer and that is just wrong.

3- It get's stuffy/runny and I always have to have a tissue near by and make disgusting sounds, causing me (and often those around me) to be embarrassed.

4- If I barely hit it, it swells. My cousin hit me in the nose once (by accident) and couldn't even say sorry because she was laughing so hard because it swelled so fast and large.

True Friends

Fact: True friends are one of the greatest gifts of life we could ever ask for.
Fact: I have true friends, they are amazing!
Everything listed below are true facts about why they are so amazing!

1. They are there for you--WHENEVER you need them.
   
2. They listen to you-- If I've had a bad day, I want to vent and, for the most part, I hardly can wait until my parents get home from work... so I vent to my friends, and they listen-- they don't try and turn the conversation on themselves.
   
3. They don't judge you-- Even if you are making a totally offensive comment they listen to you and try and sort things out with the kindest tone you can imagine.
4. They don't laugh at your woe's-- They know if something is truly bothering you, even if it is childish, they won't laugh. They listen keeping their face sincerely interested.
5. They always lift you up-- Josh Groban had to of written, "You Raise Me Up" about a friend!
   
6. You feel good around them-- your standards don't change, and you don't feel any regret after being with them.
   
7. This is my favorite reason, they make me smile and laugh. In life you have to smile, and those who can bring a smile to your face and cause you to truly laugh are amazing friends-- They need to bring to your face a real smile and a real laugh-- those are hard to find.
   

Justice Mo

Why I love my dog:

1. He's cute-- I look at him and his cotton ball face just makes me love him!
2. He cuddles-- he curls right up on my lap and sleeps forever and ever! I feel loved by him.
3. He is a heater blanket-- when he sits on my lap he heats me up so dang fast!
4. He has a personality-- He gets mad at us when we leave, excited when we come home, annoyed when I make him beg for a treat. He also lays on my text books so I will pay attention to him, and not the book.
5. He's easy to analyze.
   

B&M's, S.F., A.&L's, and M.M.M.

Why acronyms are so much fun!

Recently, a friend and I decided to give an acronym to a much discussed topic, so as others wouldn't overhear and us jump to conclusions. This acronym has, amazingly, stuck and continues to be part of our conversations like it is just any old word. Well, this got me to thinking that these little letter examples of words are a blast and here are a couple of my reasons:

1) They allow you to talk without having ever to say the exact topic; allowing an otherwise private conversation to be "public."

2) If you ever truly listen to yourself speaking in this way, it's pretty funny/corny and we all need a good laugh at ourselves now and again- don't get too serious about life.

3) They are fast, you can say them and have no connotations attached, allowing you to get directly to the topic.

4) When they are created personally they are usually made with a friend, which allows the friendship to be closer because you have something that wasn't there before, you had to create it.

5) For the most part, they aren't inside jokes. They aren't meant to be rude or hurtful (as often inside jokes seem to be.)

6) They are cute. Yeah, I am a girl and I think tiny or short things that are different than the norm are cute, maybe because I'm short.

Putting in the effort

Why selling tickets for an event, you are in, makes you want to try that much harder.

I have recently been selling tickets for a performance I am in next month, something new to me, because every other time in my life I have been asked to sale tickets to people I have had my mom and dad (or other relatives) buy the tickets. I did this because I felt I wasn't imposing on them and that they would buy the tickets, either way, just so they could see me perform.

This time, though, I thought that I would actually sale tickets to people other than my family... SCARY! I put down a list of names of people who I know enjoy music (as it is a choral performance), who know me well, or I have seen like to support local events. I made the calls (I am still too chicken to go to doors) and sold many tickets. As I delivered the tickets to the people, I thought, 'I have to show them they are getting their money's worth. I would hate for them to walk out disappointed and wish they had kept their money for another purpose. I am going to try so hard to make them love this, that when an event like this happens again they will want to come without any hesitation.' Since then, my dedication level has increased and I have wanted that much more to truly learn the music and be positive about the experience. I don't want people to be disappointed.

New Year's Resolutions

Why New Year's Resolutions can work...

I have never liked New Year's resolutions because, like millions of others, I have failed to fulfill many of them. Then recently someone said to me, they can work, if you add one step to each of the goals you set. Maybe I have missed out on a secret that everyone else knows, but I just learned this the other day: If you put how you are going to accomplish a goal, you have a much bettter chance of accomplishing it. Having a set order of how to accomplish your goal makes it seem so much more attainable; and when a goal seems achievable, you are more willing to make the effort because you see a potentially successful end.

Friends and Family

Why I Love My Family And Friends:

1) They know me. They treat me knowingly and they know how to have the best time with me and what is truly significant to me, and me to them.

2) They are amazing for cop-outs. If I ever need out of a sticky situation they, for the most part, will always let me "blame" them for my absence or avoidance.

3) They love me. They do what they can to make me happy and support me in my decisions.

4) They are who I'm with during my waking hours. They make me want to be here and keep me happy, I hope I can do that for them.

Stress

Why the few days before Christmas break starts are the most stressful time of the "Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

I completely agree that the Christmas season is the "most wonderful time of the year" with family coming home (or you going to family) the snow we get in Utah, and the overall rememberance of our Savior's birth. Nonetheless, my stress level has met a new high for the holidays, and, unfortunatly, they make sense.
1- teachers give more homework. making sure any projects or chapters aren't left hanging. The reason being is that they don't want us to forget over the holidays and are being nice by not testing us after the break. This is a nice thought but stil the extra homework does cause "unnecessary" stress.

2- Christmas Shopping. Have you noticed that trying to figure out what to buy someone has got to be one of the hardest things in the world? Particularlly if they have said something along the lines of "I found the perfect gift for you..." Dang, we have really try now so as to not appear as a last minute shopper.

3-To support of Christmas Shopping we need $$$. So that could mean, for many, extra hours at work, which means you go shopping at odd times, which means less time for homework, house, and family (not in that order) but somehow time seems to slip away before we've had a chance to use it.

After all is said and done, though, once the break starts for HS students the stress mellows down dramatically and we are able to enjoy the great season and a hot cup of cocoa.

Three Questions and I Know You- Really?

Can you search someone's soul by asking them three little questions?

Recently I played a game where I was asked three questions about three of my favorite things and then I was told to give three reasons why they were. At the end, the person claimed to know three personal things about me, and their details, and, frankly it seemed to work, why?

Okay, before you read on, you may be thinking this is childish play, and it was, it was just to make all of us laugh and I don't hold much on it, but this person did guess some personal truths about me. Maybe to make myself more clear I will answer the questions as I did to her.

1) What's your favorite color and three reasons why?
Green
a) It the color of the carpet in my house and I love being home.
b) It is my brother's favorite color and when I was little I wanted to be just like him.
c) It's the color of the grass and I love to lay in warm summer grass.
2) What's your favorite tree and three reasons why?
Blue Spruce
a) I love that it stands out, how many blue trees are there in the world?
b) It smells so dang good!
c) There is one in the park behind my house that I used to play in a lot when I was a little kid, and it was always so much fun!
3) What's your favorite body of water and three reasons why?
Pacific Ocean
a) I love Hawaii, and I loved going to the beach and swimming there.
b) I love to swim (play in the water)
c) It's warm, I love the feeling of warm water around me.

Okay, so it kind-a seems obvious why she would know some personal truths about me, because my reasoning was all personal. I gave her personal insight into myself. I let her know that I loved the smell of pine trees, and that warmth is a must for me, and that childhood memories are treasures for me. It says something about you in the way you answer questions because you answer them with your thoughts not just a regular response that can be taken too many different ways. Your thoughts on why you like things tells a lot about you.

Two Simple Words

I sat there with the paper in front of me... "Give thanks to..." which was followed by a blank line for who you were to give thanks to and what the reason was. I had filled out one line of who and why but I was scared. I didn't know what good it would really do, but I thought I should anyway. When the time came, my one chance came, I nearly missed it not knowing what good it would do to tell him so I wasted hours contemplating it, why couldn't I just go and say thank you and why did I need to?

The first answer seems obvious, I was not sure what good it would do. I had said many things to him that day and he had responded little to what I had said. I didn't think he would understand what I meant and what I was getting at. So I sat there holding his weak hand praying that maybe this would show him my thanks and love. As time passed I found myself saying, "When we are alone" I knew that could never happen but I pretended that we could be. I realized then that I was scared. I didn't know if he would remember the act, the act that I will always remember. I can never forget it, but what if he had forgotten that day or he just couldn't recall it? By the end of the night, it was time for him to go and I was still sitting there scared. I realize only now, that I had a small thought in my head that told me "it's not worth it." It was a combination of fearing he wouldn't remember and that he wasn't going to respond. How I finally went up to him the moments before he left and took his hand in mine is a blur. I started by asking him if he could remember the day, after 2 times he had not responded to my question by the 3rd he remembered. I told him thank you for the wonderful blessing he had given me and my entire life that day. I knew then why I had to say thank you. He needed to know my love, he needed to know how much effect he has had in my life, and I needed to be reminded how incredibly special that day was, and how he had given it to me.

Rubbing a cat the wrong way

Past Deeds: Don't rub them in.

"I remember that day you were so mad... oh why was it again... oh yeah! So-and-so tried to trick you into doing..."

We all have done this, or have had it done to us. Yet, we stand there and let it happen. Well, here I go, putting in my 2 cents: Stop! I have never liked it when someone brings up a past situation when they know I am uncomfortable talking about it. Nevertheless, it happens time and time again, but why do they do it?

1. They are jealous.
I know this sounds childish but it's how it is. Perhaps the situation is not one that they've had and to them it sounds intriguing. They have no idea what it really does to you, and frankly they don't care to know, they just think being able to say it would be fun. Or, they are jealous of who you are now and want to put you down. So why not bring up past events to see you hurt or to put you down. If they can point out your faults then you are not "as good", they have somehow managed to lower you in their eyes. Such as in the movie "The Count of Monte Cristo" Fernand states that since Dantes is a clerk’s father (lower than his position) he should not want to be him. Perhaps the person wants to be like you and to counteract this desire they bring up every fault they can find.

2. They want to be empathetic.
This sounds so strange. I've seen myself do it though. Someone tells me of something they are going through and I have sympathy for them but no empathy, and I feel bad. I feel as though it is my job to coach them through this and it's easier when you understand what they are going through because you have gone through it. Yet, in this situation the person has not been through what you have, and they try and compensate this desire to be 100% understanding by bringing it up time and time again, thinking that if they do it enough they can have a thorough understanding, at least enough so that they can have empathy.

A Blessing + A Devil's Costume

"Let's update"

Technology. It's a blessing disguised in a devil's costume, we love it but it tries everything it can to make us hate it, that is its goal. Yesterday, I was going to watch the BYU football game on my favorite t.v. Yet, for some reason that I don't understand, the t.v. would NOT turn on. I sat there trying forever to get it to work, and, alas, it stayed put. It would not budge from is consistant sleep, a coma if you will.

While we sat there puzzled by why it had decided not to work that day, we came to a wonderful idea, the technology we have for that t.v. is 8 years old, how long we have lived in this house. So of course it was going to be breaking down on us like mad. Technology with the wonderful shortcuts it has given us in everyday life, is, at the same time, less dependable... it dies--constatly.

The world has been giving us new technology right and left and you are constantly having to update it. You have to be changing it all the time, a better computer so it can fit all the 1000's of programs that we "need," or even so the computer can work all 1000 of those programs. Another thing, that bugs about technology, is that even if what you have works perfectly fine, you need to have the best, the new "technological selection" (getting rid of Natural Selection). The new PS3, how many people waited to buy that thing, how many people were counting down the days until they could have it? Yea, it is better, loads better, than the PS2 but... the extra gadgets that it comes with most of us already have.

Look, technology is great, but it seems to have made us a little too high maintenance--the constant change, either to work with everything/one else, and attached to it as babies are to umbilical cords. Maybe we should take a step back, and make sure the reason we're getting technology are for beneficial reasons, but that's me.

Smiles and Laughs

Why it is easy to laugh

I was sitting in math with a friend and we were discussing some problems we have in our daily lives, yet at the same time our faces showed a totally different attitude than the normal schema the world has set for expression and problems. Our facial expresssions, that of smiles and a laugh mixed in with the conversation. Neither of us noticed how odd this might look, as this is how we normally are, yet another student behind us commented on how we were always smiling no matter what topic we were talking about, and this got me to thinking... Why is it that we always laugh and smile, even in the most dire of conditions?

At first I thought it was to make light of the situation, as has been done many times in the past. You see someone completely distraught, they start talking to you and when they are about to break down, they laugh, a forced pathetic laugh, a laugh to make the situation, in their mind, seem lighter. They don't want to be down and think that a laugh might bring it up.

This does work at times, as is visable when you smile for an extended period of time your mood does change, though, perhaps, because your mind becomes occupied with keeping the smile on and not your worries. Yet, my friend and I had been wearing smiles the whole time, and were still talking of our "woes" and what not, so why could we still laugh and smile?

I think one reason is, we don't take ourselves too seriously. For one thing, we understand that we are still teenagers. With that entails the life of blustering hormones, confusing us every 90 seconds (according to Mr. Jackman), the psychological development of finding self (as Piaget laid out) and learning responsiblity (only a couple of years ago we were kids, now we have more responsiblity yet not enough to be considered adults.) This explains, for the most part, our problems aren't large enough to cause a downpour of tears that turn us into a crumbled mess, so we can see through the ordeal and laugh, knowing it will be over soon and of no real significance.

The problem in math was one of no pressing, stressful importance but we have talked of ones that do matter to the upmost extent, and we still smile. No, we aren't making light of the situation, and we are being serious, yet... we smile because we know we can make it through. This reason for solace and happiness we had to find on our own, people had told us about it, but we had to search after it, and we eventually found it. We have immursed ourselves into our religion. We know the influence it has on us, we have found something to stand on that will never let us down. Through religion we have found faith and hope to carry on, knowing that we will make it out of our ordeals, perhaps with many scrapes and bruises, and maybe even some scars that will turn into knowledge. We feel comfortable saying that we can make it through, we have found a reason to, and it has proven true to aide to us, so why not smile if we know everything is going to be okay?

Contradiction

It is so easy to contradict what someone says but it is so much harder to agree, fully, and not feel some regret of annoyance that you didn't think of what they said first.

I often find that when someone says something that makes total sense, I find it easy to disagree because I am upset that I didn't think of it first. It's easy to find faults with what they are saying because they haven't worded it the way I would. So I make connotations out of the words and explain what they are "saying" in the new light and then argue with them. But of course I do fail in the end, because we come to the same conclusion and realize that I was just being dumb, or in other words, jealous (though out of kindness no one says I was jealous).

Yet, when I do agree with someone it is even harder! I have to put down my pride and admit they thought of whatever the comment was first, and that I had not. I wish I would have thought of the comment before anyone else in the entire world, but that is just not going to happen, as It was just said. My pride is hurt as I have my innate nature to be the best, and the top. This pride turns into jealousy.

Hope

Why I Hope.

I hope to keep life going. It seems whenever I don't have hope placed upon something, I have nothing to go upon, nothing to work for. I hope that I will graduate HS, if I didn't, I wouldn't work toward it. I hope that my sister is happy, so I try my best to make her happy. I hope that I will be able to look myself in the mirror each morning of my life, so I try the best to make decisions that will enable me to do so.

Yet, I am also scared of hope. Some things I place hope on, I cannot tell if there is an actual movement forward to this "hope," I like to see the change my hope does (as shown in the examples above.) Yet, I keep hoping because the accomplishments that come with it are so much greater than the fear because they create joy (when you pass a test that you feared you failed, you feel joy not fear), and joy diminishes fear. When I am scared I often find myself singing a joyful tune, and the fear ebbs away. Hope will do this, if you put a progression, or try to, to your hope. I hope to keep life going.

The Thoughts I Keep To Myself

Why do I have so many things I want to say but I don't?

While talking to a friend we decided some people we know are extremely blunt, and it works. A nurse she knows basically says to her patients, "If you want to get better, listen to me, if not, go home. I don't want to waste my time on you." Yet, she works hard and is nice to people who help her in her job, and are friendly with her. Sometimes I wish I could just be that way, yet I am not even close.

I was listening to someone talk the other day and they were saying some things that they believed to be true, yet I found to be extremely false, and for the sake of being polite I held my tongue because all I could think of to say was, in my mind, in a rude manner. I thought that I would offend her so I kept my mouth shut and let her finish telling me her story and go on with life. It occurred to me while she was talking, does it really matter? Is it some life or death comment I need to make? Or is it an opinion or, in a rare case, some "concrete detail" of which I had proof but the person would dismiss it as a "coincidence" or "a rare find?"

In church today, I felt like I was making a plethera of comments and I had the fortune of having one come to me, yet again. It was, in my mind's eye, what the teacher had said but as I sat there I realized that I had made a pretty close connection, making it seem the same. Yet, having felt sheepish making my last comment I held what I had to say and kept my thoughts to myself.

In all, I find my excuses for keeping my thoughts to myself so as not offend, become annoying, or because I can't see a purpose for it in the long run. Sometimes I do regret not saying something, or saying something and only wish I could find that happy medium where I do say what I think at the right moment, and keep other thoughts to myself, yet life is life and we're constantly learning when the right and wrong times are every day.

Why we count down to certain events

While visiting my brother and his wife they started a count down until they are done with their surgery rotation. It made me wonder why do we count down for a certain time. It seemed that we count down in order to realize the time that is passing to the upcoming date. If we see that time is moving it is easier to keep going, we don't feel like time is standing still if we have something visual to set time against, thus we have invented the countdown.

But why is it that we count down at all? Why do we want time to be always moving towards the future? Life seems to have more in the future, for more of us, than it does in the present. For my brother and his wife they are looking forward to their next rotation for school and don't particularlly like surgery so it makes sense that they want the future here and the present to be past. Thus, they have the stars on their celing to be pulled down every day so they can see the number of stars dwindle and realize how soon the future is.

Why do we put on faces?

I knew she was upset, I knew the situation. Yet, when we piled around our lunch table no one knew anything, or had any idea, because she put on a face. She didn't want anyone to know what feelings she was harboring up inside of her, but why?

1- She was scared
Those around our table will help someone if they know they are hurting. We won't use the occationally seen, "get over it" attitude but will try and help. I knew she was bursting to talk about it, but still she didn't and she joined in the conversation and acted as though nothing was wrong. She was scared we would all think she was being silly, or staying in the past, by her reaction to the situation. None of the rest of us have gone through this and frankly it could easily stay that way for quite some time or possibly we will never have to deal with it. So how could we understand that she wasn't being silly or irrational acting this way? Why would she take the risk of finding out if we understood, if it was easier to put on a face and act happy?

2- Past reactions had told her to stay closed
Unfortunatly when the situation had first arisn, we acted irritated and annoyed that the situation seemed to have such an influence in her life. We would avoid the subject and if it did arise we would give short responses and move on to something different. So why would she put herself out there again if it was going to annoy us? She just wants others to be happy even if that means she has to act as though life couldn't be greater.

3- The situation isn't one to solve so she taken on the motto, "Let bygones be bygones"
The situation she has found herself in isn't one with many solutions, yet it still builds up hundreds of emotions and feelings that one doesn't want to harbor. Yet she has let it be known that these emotions aren't ones of sadness and pain but perhaps conflicting emotions. Yet, with our sad way of acting toward her she has figured that if we are going to be happier and more jovial when she doesn't discuss the situation she should just let it be. The situation will be with her for some time and here we have listened again to know that she is happy right now but still conflicted. Yet, as long as she keeps acting like she has none of these iffy emtions it will be fine.

When we, or anyone else for the matter, see her in the hall, at lunch or anywhere else, we see a broad smile on her face, she is happy. It would be easier to walk with a face of conflicted emotions, but she wants others to be happy and comfortable, that has seemed to make her more happy (as she has commented before) so she will sacrifice "venting" to her friends and will go on with life.

Why don't people get it?

A recent discovery of mine led me to believe that some people just don't get it. Someone I know well had written an "analytical paragraph" but it wasn't analyizing, it was critizing the type of people she was talking about. When she had me peer review it, I could feel my emotions building up with rage and confusion as to why she did not get it. The worst, though, was when I talked to this person. She acted like I was the who didn't know what I was talking about. Unfortunantly, I knew all too well what I was talking about with her. Almost every single one of her statements was false, and proven to be so. She had said the problem she'd presented in the paragraph about the community had a "simple explanation." Yet, she had no idea about the topic she was attempting to explain. In her paragraph, she had made the comment that we had become victims of this type of person, when in fact THEY (the one's she called the victimizers) are the true 100% victims, they always will be. As I was talking to her, I could tell her thoughts and knew she did not agree with me at all, which is fine. . . Except for the point that I KNEW what I was taking about. I had concrete detail, I had personal stories and experiences, I had seen the process of what she was talking about more than once- when she had never seen, or heard about it; except from the Media which portrays it as the victim's fault....

After I had talked to her, with her eyes and mind glazed, I started to wonder why in the world she did not get it! I was furious and couldn't understand why she didn't get it, except for the probability that she was oblivious to the world, that actual world. She had pointed out what the people she was talking about were doing wrong, and they are wrong. But, she explained them as doing and being wrong in the wrong way. She didn't understand, or even listen to me as I was explaining facts surrounding the topic she was discussing. I also tried to explain that the world, for the most part, doesn't realize they are wrong. They haven't been taught what they are doing is wrong. When I told her this, she retorted with a personal story of places she had lived and what she had seen, implying that I was explaining in a sheltered mind (as I have lived in Utah my whole life). I then told the person stories, multiple, of what I had not only seen but personally experienced on the topics (she had brought up two) she was discussing.

She wouldn't listen to me. I realized she did not know anything about what she was talking about. She had lived the sheltered life. She had been told, "see that it is wrong" and unfortunantly she got the thought, "that is wrong so the person is wrong, too." If someone doesn't know better, you CANNOT punish them, you teach them. When a toddler goes into some areas that they shouldn't you should not yell at them, but let them know that they shouldn't be there, in the best way a toddler can understand, which is not yelling or condeming. For her whole life she had been taught what was right and wrong but never that some people's concept of right and wrong varies from hers. Some people haven't been taught the same or have the same belief system as she does, that means you can say they are horrible, because they may not know differently. I told her if I hadn't been taught what I was taught I would do what the world does, because frankly it wouldn't matter, there would be no obvious or almost any concequences. She did not get it, because she had never been taught the other half of the story and because she was not teachable. Many people aren't taught the other half of the story... but many will listen or will learn from their surroundings. Hopefully someday she will too, and maybe she will listen.

Why do we have questions that you can't answer?

This question, though, does seem to have an answer: to cause us to be able to think critically, to learn patience, to understand that we can't have everything we want.

Like one question I have is why do guys problems get explained and excused but girl's have to deal with it, and no one can explain the problem so other's understand it? Maybe someone out there can explain this, but I've asked many and no one yet have given me a suitable answer. But I've realized that it's given me patience with people not understanding something I am going through, even when they are trying to. I know they are going to do their best, and that's what matters.

Another question is just one of my own self, why does what someone once did, not even to me, hurt me? I don't get it they have done their absolute best to solve the problem and seemed to, but why is it that I still am hurt by the past actions? I don't know the answer why but I do know that it has given me the understanding that even though it hurts me I will have to live with it, I can't have all I want.... I can't have an absolute calm about everything.

And then most of the questions that I don't have answers to but cause me to think critically are with the gopsel. I have millions of questions why this and why that.... why can't someone explain to me exceptions that seem to pop up with marrying young, etc... But I start to think, and though I may not get any answer for that question my mind starts to understand different things better or maybe I just start to think deeper and not just "on the surface."

Why is it that as we try to make life less complicated we end up making it more complicated?

It seems that the goal of all the human race is to make life as easy as possible for itself, why do we learn young? So we can have a good education, thus being able to support ourselves with all the money we can make and thus making life easier. . . kind-a

In order to get there, though you have to go through a rigorous complex field of learning and other steps to achievement. We will start with a student in high school, let's say they want the above and are willing to work for it. So they start with hard classes that they have to devote hours and hours to in order to get the grades they desire/need.

Why do they need these grades, for a scholarship so they can take the harder classes in college because they won't have to be working all night in order to pay tution. Oh, but let's not forget the other essencial step in gaining a scholarship (which is at the very beginning of making life "easier") extra-curricular activities. Oh joy, besides the hours of homework you need to be learning how to play an instrument, a sport or something that improves your skills as a human being making the scholarship that much closer.

Once you gain that, we won't talk about if you don't, you have to work your tail end off in order to gain those next grades that go on your transcript for graduate school, because in order to get almost any job that pays well you need to go to graduate school (there are of course some lucky proffesions that do not require this, a blessing perhaps) and you better hope you can find some way to get this next step of schooling payed off soon, because once you leave there you are in debt debt debt.

Now, you finally have your job, which of course you are working tirelessly to get promoted, or more clientail (or however you spell that word) or anything that get's you more money so you can pay off your debt. Once you do achieve to pay off your school debt you are either in more debt or would like a situation in life where you aren't scrimping for money, so you work endlessly to get that extra cash.

You work for many years searching for that final goal of "achievement" and when you do, you retire. And that is when life is full. That is why we make it complicated, because we see that end result of being able to be with our families and not work all our days in order to make ends meet, we want to have that joy of seeing our kids grow up and watching our grandkids grow up. Now, I left out all the little joys we have during our working time, the little things that make life easier but had a complicated path to get to.

Such as, friends. We had to learn young what type of friends we want, and we had to figure out how to incorporate them into our busy lives, but when we did/do that we have that easy solace in which we find ourselves happy.

We also have marriage, which of course is an eternal friend who you can turn your complicated life to and they can help you make it easy. Then you have kids, who can complicate life, but they joy they bring is of such simplicity that you wouldn't trade it for anything.

The list can go on, but we do make life complicated to get to the easy stuff... and in the end run it's really how complicated do you want to make life so you can have the "easier stuff."

Why We Remember

Many kids ask, when in a history class, why we have to learn what happened in the past, because most teachers would respond saying, "To help you through life." Many high school students couldn't see history helping them through life, but it does.

One thing history has done for itself is repeat and repeat again. What happens a country gets mad at another and starts a war, they come up with a faulty treaty, like the Dales Plan to help Germany pay their debts after WWI which eventually caused Germany to see that they could never get out of debt and start another war.

European wars seemed to always repeat themselves, so did the good times vs. the bad times in history. One such example the economy goes up and it goes down. People have had their rough times and their good times with money.

So that goes back to the question, why learn history. It will repeat itself and if you know and understand the solutions that worked or failed in the past, you'll be able to come up with and educated solution making the outcome so much better.

Now, we aren't all going to become politicians but our own personal history seems to repeat itself, doesn't it? We go to school, we take classes others have, and what do we do, we ask them what would be the best way to get an "a" in the class, that's the past, that's history.

We also have the drama at school that, unfortunately seems to pop up every year. One such problem is two friends liking the same guy and both thinking he likes her. Then they get in a fight, don't talk for a few weeks and magically they become friends again, when they decide the guy is a jerk and turn on him.

What about sports? Don't we see what plays work, and which ones didn't catch the team the win? Doesn't MV football study their game to see what they could do better for the next. That's the past and it's helping for the future. Don't people compare the 1996 BYU Football team with todays and see what can be done better to secure more wins?

It's simple the choices we make in our daily lives can be because of events that happened in the past that we want to repeat or avoid at all costs.